Moans written down

Light

I asked you what my name means in Latin. You didn’t know. Doesn’t surprise me, not a lot of people do. To be honest I don’t know Latin myself, but I know what my name means.

Lucian means light in Latin. It’s a bit oxymoronic since I was never truly a happy person. People tell me I’m funny sometimes, and I always laugh, but underneath all that I was always…nothing. I felt empty, the immense weight of nothingness was overwhelming. Until I met you. You broke my cynical bastard shackles, you brought the light to surface. You made me stop writing of murder, betrayal and lonely nights, always ending badly. You made me focus on the positive. Before I didn’t have anyone to be happy for, but now I see you need me happy.

I want to be light.

When you wake up sweating after your nightmares, after the monsters and murder. I want to be there for you. To shine away the creatures that howl and creep in the night, to make you secure again. I want to be there when you feel lonely and need to dance and play with fire, to let it consume you. I want to show you it’s not the burning sensation and heat of the fire that you need, you just need light.

I am light.

When there is nothing else you feel and hear and taste other than thick darkness enveloping you, the eternal abyss slowly choking the life out of you; that’s when I want to be your lighthouse. The lone glimmer of light and hope, standing tall and proud somewhere on the horizon showing you the way. The way to land, they way to my arms and the way to safety. I want to signal where you need to go; to escape the dark sea of life that tosses you from side to side hoping you’ll flip over and drown in it. But you keep sailing towards me. Towards that lonely lighthouse and don’t give up until you reach the safe haven once again.

A place where your nightmares can’t reach, a place where the monsters don’t dwell, and everything that’s pressing down on your soul becomes irrelevant. A safe, safe place.

I want to be your light.